The Good-bye Series
by Python Chick
Summary: Set after Triangle. Spike deals with Buffy's rejection the only way he can think of and Buffy tries to stop him. B/S. Please R/R.
1. Final Good-bye

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB.  
  
Finished: January 20, 2001  
  
~~ Final Good-bye ~~  
  
"You're disgusting!" Buffy's words echoed through Spike's head. He was right not to sample the blood covering the injured people at the Bronze last night. Buffy had tried to fight the troll and it stormed off, destroying the Bronze as it did so. Spike had only been trying to help Buffy, trying to prove that he could change...for her. But she didn't see it. Maybe she needed more time. Then after a few more displays of good deeds, she would notice that Spike wasn't his usual evil-vampire self.  
  
"Who am I kidding?" Spike said aloud that night in his crypt. "She'll never notice me. She'll keep living her life and slaying my pals and bounce around happily with every guy except me."  
  
Spike took a piece of paper from a unicorn stationary set of Harmony's and a pen. "Stupid chit," he mumbled to himself. "Why the hell does she have writing paper? I wonder what she puts as the return address." He chuckled to himself in spite of how angry and hurt he was feeling from Buffy's actions at the Bronze.  
  
Spike sat down on the stone coffin where Harmony hid sometimes whenever Buffy or one of her Scooby friends barged into the crypt. He cleared his head and let his feelings flow through his mind, down his arm and through the pen onto the paper.  
  
*Dear Buffy,  
  
There's no easy way to say this, but I have to. I need some peace of mind in my messed up head and I think this is the way to get it. I've tried to change; I've stopped trying to hurt you but no matter how hard I try, I never succeed. Everything I do upsets you in one way or another. It seems I can't do anything to change your opinion of me. And even though you are the Slayer and it is your duty to kill vampires, you haven't yet killed me and I can't stop wondering why. It can't be because you like me since you've made that clear almost every time we are within a ten-meter radius of each other. So why is it? Is it because I am no longer a true vampire because of this damn chip? Do you pity me? Because I'd rather be dead than receive your pity. All I wanted was your friendship, respect and maybe something more. I love you, Buffy, and I don't exactly know why. I've tried to disregard my attraction to you but it always fails and I wind up back at square one. When you are done reading this letter and laughing at me with all your little friends, you will find me at my crypt. Only you won't see me, you'll see what is left of all vampires when they get a stake plunged into their heart. If I can't have you, I can at least leave you with one less vampire to kill.  
  
Love always, Spike  
  
P.S. Believe it or not, I will miss you.*  
  
Spike sighed and shook his feelings of anger, sadness, and self-pity from his system. What he was about to do took courage and he needed a focused mind. He pulled a stake out from his duster's inside pocket that he had found earlier that day. He had held stakes so many times over the past year since he got his chip but this one felt different. Maybe because it was aimed at his own heart, not some brainless vampire fledgling. He set it down beside him on the coffin. It would stay there until he returned from Buffy's house.  
  
Spike stood up and straightened his jacket. He walked out of the crypt and began his journey to Buffy's home where she would be talking with her mom or her sister about last night's activities or whining over Riley. *I'm glad I showed him to her. That bloody ponce needed to be torn from the pedestal he thought he was on.*  
  
Spike finally arrived at Buffy's house and peered in the window to the living room. He could see Joyce and Buffy sitting on the couch watching TV. He quietly stepped up to her door and placed the note under a large rock so it wouldn't fly away with the wind. He bravely knocked on the door then spun on his heels and ran behind a tree across the street.  
  
A few seconds later the door swung open and Buffy stood looking around until she noticed the rock at her feet. She looked around once more and picked up the rock and letter. As she began to read, Spike ran off towards the crypt, not caring to see her reaction to his up front and honest feelings.  
  
Spike could swear that he heard footsteps chasing him but he didn't dare to turn around. One more look at her and he'd be tangled in her web for all eternity. When he reached the crypt he stopped running, realizing that he wasn't able to go through with it. He looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. Had she given up and returned to her home? Had he been imagining the footsteps? *Dammit! Why didn't I stop to turn around? I'm such an idiot!*  
  
He entered his crypt and shut the door behind him. Trudging over to where is stake lay; he slid off his jacket and draped it over the armchair. Buffy could burn it for all he cared.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Buffy finished reading the letter and her heart almost stopped. Spike loved her? What kind of game was he playing on her now?  
  
"Buffy?" her mother's voice called from the living room.  
  
"Um, Mom, I'll be back soon," she replied. "It's Slayer business." She grabbed her jacket off of the coat rack and slipped it on, closing the door as she dashed towards Spike's place.  
  
She clutched the letter in her hand as she raced down the street. *Could he be serious?* she asked herself. *That could explain the sudden change in him lately. Oh come on, Buffy, this is Spike...William the Bloody...evil vampire without a soul. Of course he's bluffing.* Buffy stopped running. She gasped for breath and realized that someone was running up ahead of her. She strained her eyes through the darkness and saw a flash of bleached blonde hair disappear behind some trees. *Spike!* she thought angrily. *He's leading me on a goose chase!*  
  
Now she was angry. Why hadn't she staked him yet? He was a vampire after all, chip or no chip. She caught her breath and continued running, pushing herself to her fastest so that she wouldn't lose him. *Why am I fighting so hard to keep up with him? If he wants to stake himself, let him. If he's bluffing, then I'll find out tomorrow.* But something buried in the corner of Buffy's mind surfaced. It tugged at her mind and told her to keep running...it told her that this vampire was sincere.  
  
She finally reached the mausoleum and pushed the door open. Spike stood in the center of the room with a stake in his hand. He looked up at her just as she entered the dusty crypt but it was too late to stop the force of his hand. Tears came to Buffy's eyes as she ran towards him but the stake entered his heart and he yelled out in pain as it tore through his flesh. "I love you, Buffy."  



	2. Not-So-Final Good-bye

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. The movie "Meet Joe Black" belongs to Universal Pictures. Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins belong to themselves. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. It's just a harmless fic, really.  
  
Finished: January 20, 2001  
  
~~ Not-So-Final Good-bye ~~  
  
"Spike!" she yelled. She pulled his arm away from its target but it was too late, the stake was embedded in his heart. The tears brimming her eyelids began to trickle down her face. "Now you're leaving me too!"  
  
He collapsed in her arms and she lay Spike on the ground, waiting for him to explode into dust, but the moment never came. Spike groaned in pain as he waited to be blown to bits by the sliver in his chest, but it didn't happen. His eyes flashed open and he saw Buffy looking down at him. He could see the confused look in her eyes and it matched his own.  
  
"Why am I still here?" Spike gasped in pain.  
  
"Hold still," Buffy said softly. "I'm going to take it out." She gently grabbed the stake with one hand and Spike's hand with the other one. As she quickly extracted the stake from Spike's chest, he squeezed her hand.  
  
"Bloody hell!" he shouted out in pain.  
  
"It's plastic, Spike," she said, almost happily. She'd never known a staked vampire that didn't dust so she did the only thing she could do. She tossed the stake aside and, using her right hand, put pressure on Spike's wound. "You staked yourself with a piece of plastic."  
  
"Oh bugger all," he groaned. "That idiot Riley must've left it here."  
  
Buffy suddenly became tense. "Riley was here?" she asked suspiciously. "Did he pay Harmony to bite him too?"  
  
"God no, he tried to stake me," he said. "He wanted to scare me a bit so he bought this cheap toy and fake-staked me."  
  
"When?" she asked.  
  
"The day after I showed him to you in that place--which I only did because I didn't want you getting cheated on," he said quickly, struggling to sit up. "He barged in here all huffy and threw me up against the wall--I think it was my best performance. I really thought I was going to die--"  
  
"Spike, shut up," Buffy ordered. Spike quit talking and looked at her. "Did you really mean what you said in this letter?"  
  
*Oh crap! Now I have to cover for that too.* he thought. "No," he said, forcing a laugh that made his chest hurt. "Like I'd fall for the Slayer. Yeah, 'hello, Buffy I'm Peaches.' That'd be the day."  
  
"Spike I'm serious and I'm not buying your little act," Buffy said. "Now tell me the truth before you're fake-staked for the third time."  
  
Spike stopped laughing and he sighed, wincing in pain. He nodded. "Yeah, I do. Everything in that stupid letter is true." Spike tried to stand up but Buffy had to help him. He walked over to the armchair and gently sat down after tossing his jacket aside. "Believe me, I've tried to find a logical explanation but I can't...I'm a twisted vampire."  
  
"Well, Spike," Buffy began. "Believe it or not, I have noticed that you've changed slightly. Helping that woman last night was good, but it freaked me out a little. I mean, you're my enemy and all of a sudden you're trying to help me for free...it would freak you out if I just started running around killing people, wouldn't it?"  
  
Spike nodded. "I guess," he admitted. "But I'd have a hell of a lot of fun while you were doing it." He grinned. "If the bodies were already dead, I wouldn't be hurting them and--"  
  
"You love digging yourself deeper and deeper don't you?" she asked. "How do you expect me to believe that you've changed for the better when you say stuff like that?"  
  
"I'm a vampire, I still like blood," Spike said. "I just can't take it from a living person, even if I could, I probably wouldn't."  
  
"What makes you so sure?" she tested him.  
  
"Because I've spent a year helping you fight evil and kill things and it's been fun and as long as I get to kill something once in a while, I'm a happy guy. Besides, I'd rather be on the dull end of the stake, thank-you."  
  
Buffy smiled in spite of the information he was throwing at her. Had Spike given up on human blood altogether? No, it couldn't be. Spike hated the pig's blood they used to force him to drink while chained to the bathtub.  
  
"Buffy," he called and snapped her out of her thoughts.  
  
"What?" she asked casually.  
  
"I said, if I don't hurt humans I get to live, right?" he asked hopefully.  
  
Buffy nodded. "I guess so," she replied. "And if you continue to help me fight and don't piss me off too much, you better your chances."  
  
"So what do we do now?" Spike asked. "There probably isn't any chance you could disregard everything that you read, heard, and saw tonight, is there?"  
  
"Probably not, Spike," she said. "But your secret is safe with me."  
  
"Does this mean..." he trailed off and stood up. He smiled and walked over to Buffy. He was so close to her and she was so beautiful. He leaned down and kissed her. Her lips were so warm and soft. This is the moment he'd dreamed of for months since he'd tried to get his chip removed, maybe even before that. Maybe he started liking her when she'd come on to him at the Bronze. She'd said something about riding him at a gallop...he couldn't really remember; he'd lost all thought after she spoke those words.  
  
Buffy gently pushed him away. He could hear his heart shatter into a million pieces. "Spike, look," she said. "I want to tell you this up front. I like you, in a way I always have. And the more time I spend with you, the more I get used to having you around. But I can't do this. I'm still hurt over Riley. What if I'd actually been in love with him? I threw it all away because--"  
  
"Buffy, the guy was getting suck-jobs from vampires!" he said full of frustration. "You would have known right away if you'd truly loved him and you wouldn't have had to think twice about it. That's what love is. It's about finding one person and throwing everything away just to be near them, like I have with you."  
  
Tears flooded Buffy's eyes. Spike was being open and honest with her, even hurting her feelings a little, but he was right. She realized she could never have loved Riley to the full extent of being IN love with him. "Spike, I'm sorry," she said with a wavering voice. "I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Don't do anything stupid...please."  
  
Spike nodded. Her last word sounded almost desperate. Spike watched her leave and sat down on the armchair again. "A vampire with a chip in his head in love with a Slayer. I belong on Passions." he chuckled to himself.  
  
He flipped on the television and surfed through a few channels until he found a late night movie. "Meet Joe Black" with Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins. It was about a man who had died, then had his body taken over by Death. Death meets girl; Death falls in love with girl. *Forget Passions, this is my unlife-story.* he thought to himself before falling asleep.  



	3. No More Good-byes

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB.  
  
Finished: January 20, 2001  
  
~~ No More Good-byes ~~  
  
Buffy woke up the next morning and rolled over onto her back. Staring at the ceiling, she remembered the previous night's events. Spike admitted he loved her but she knew she didn't love him. She only liked him, but could her attraction grow? Could she possibly love this soulless vampire?  
  
As Buffy showered, she kept thinking of Spike's near death experience over her. It was hurting him that much just being around her and being ignored. *And the kiss...It was well above average.* She thought smiling to herself.  
  
Buffy got dressed and fixed her hair then went downstairs to have breakfast. Dawn and Joyce were already in the kitchen, chatting and eating. "Morning, ladies," Buffy said. "How have your weekends been so far?"  
  
They glanced at each other before answering, "Fine." Buffy was in an unusually good mood as compared to the last few days she'd spent moping and brooding around the house.  
  
"That's good," Buffy replied. She grabbed an apple and washed it under the tap. "So what are you guys up to today?"  
  
"Well, actually I was thinking of going mountain climbing on Mount Everest," Buffy's mom replied. Dawn muffled a laugh. She knew Buffy would play the protective daughter/Slayer role and lecture Mom about staying inside and resting.  
  
"Sounds like fun," she said instead. "I'll be going out for a while but I'll be back before dinner." She glanced at her watch.  
  
She left the house and Dawn and Joyce stared at each other. "Maybe she met someone new?" Dawn suggested.  
  
Joyce shrugged her shoulders. "I guess we'll find out when she's ready to tell us," she said and continued to eat her breakfast.  
  
Buffy walked through the cemetery and made her way to Spike's crypt. Instead of kicking open the door like she usually did, she knocked. After a few minutes a sleepy Spike answered the door. When he saw her standing there, he immediately woke up. "Um, Buffy, come on in," he said holding the door open for her. She smiled and walked by him.  
  
"Is Harmony here?" she asked.  
  
Spike closed the door and shook his head. "No, she moved out last week," he replied. "She's got a fledgling boy-toy who's stupider than she is. I guess they got their own place."  
  
"You're not jealous are you?" she teased.  
  
Spike laughed out loud and winced a little. The puncture wound in his heart had only half healed but would be gone by tomorrow. "Jealous?" he chuckled. "You're cute, Slayer. Why would I want to spend time with her playing 20 questions, when I could be here talking to you."  
  
Buffy smiled. That was the answer she was hoping for. "Spike, I need to talk to you," she began. Spike nodded and sat down on the stone coffin where Harmony used to hide whenever Buffy came by unannounced. Buffy sat beside him and turned so she was facing him. "About last night, I what I said. And I want to spend more time with you, but as for being a couple...that might take a little bit longer than you want."  
  
Spike smiled softly. He was hoping that she would run into the crypt and fall into his arms, kissing him and hugging him and telling him how much she loved him. But in a way he was glad that this is how it happened. After all, that's how things began with Riley, they started dating almost immediately and they claimed to love each other not to long after. That's not what Spike wanted. He wanted the Slayer's love to be honest and true...not just a mask for her friends, family and for him.  
  
"Spike? Earth to Spike, are you there?" she said waving a hand in front of his face.  
  
"Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking," he replied. "So what happens now?"  
  
"I guess we could start patrolling together or Bronzing or just hanging out watching Passions or something." she said grinning.  
  
"Sounds like a plan," he said. "I love you, Buffy. I want you to know that I'll...no, I promise you that I'll never hurt you and I'll never lie to you."  
  
Buffy smiled. "I wish I could say that I loved you, Spike. But I don't," she replied honestly. Spike's smile fell and when Buffy saw it, she quickly continued. "Not yet anyway. But I'm sure I will, and as soon as I know, I'll tell you." Spike looked into her eyes as she gently placed her hand over his unbeating heart. "I hope that I can heal the hole in your heart eventually." she said.  
  
"You already have," he said. He put a cool hand on her cheek and kissed her softly. She pulled back to look at her and there were tears in her eyes. "I love you, Slayer."  
  
"I like you, Spike," she replied. She looked around the crypt. "Nice place. I've never really noticed it before--" she stopped herself as her eyes came to rest on a mannequin with a blond wig. "What the hell is that?"  
  
Spike chuckled nervously. "Well I'd love to say that it's Harmony's clothing model, but I said I'd never lie so I guess I'll tell you," he took a deep unneeded breath and continued. "That thing is what I've been practicing talking to before I get the guts to talk to you."  
  
Buffy just laughed. "That's--sweet?" she asked, searching her mind for an appropriate word. She figured that 'weird' or 'creepy' probably wouldn't go over well with him.  
  
Spike smiled and looked down. "I know it's stupid, but I'm such a schoolboy when it comes to love." he said.  
  
"Then I'll be your schoolgirl," Buffy said. She lifted his chin and kissed him. She was already starting to love him.  
  
~~ The End ~~  



End file.
